→ Finance
 "I want to keep my affairs private and to stay independent." "
I want to make sure that if I need help I can get it."
These are conflicting desires in many estate plans. Where do you keep your papers? Are they complete and up to date? Do potential helpers or fiduciaries know where they are located? Can they access them legally?
You may have heard other statements that are problematic from time to time:
"I want to keep control."
"My kid isn't ready to take over the business..."
"I do not want to burden my kids."
"My kids know what to do."
"My mom is really private, and is not willing to discuss her finances with me."
"My aunt says it's all taken care of."
"I do not know where my brother keeps his estate planning documents – he says the attorney has them."
"The kids will figure it out when I'm gone."
Ever say this or hear somebody else say it?
Often we are afraid of offending someone we care about, i.e. that we will intrude on their privacy. Most of us are reluctant to imply that somebody might need our help.
My clients, Bob and Mickey, (who gave me permission to use their real names) told me this story in May 2007. Bob was "deputized" by his brothers to approach their mom and dad about when they would consider a move from their home to independent living. Bob's family's beliefs about privacy, independence, and self-reliance were very strong, so he approached his Mom and Dad with some trepidation. He expected an explosion, but was instead relieved by their reaction.
To Bob's surprise, his mom and dad exploded with relief. They were happy that the question had finally come up, so they could discuss it with their kids and figure out options. Neither side was aware that the other was worried about the same issue.
There are some simple steps you can take to maintain your privacy and independence, while setting up a plan that will work.
1. Develop a written and complete Will plan or Living Trust plan with all ancillary documents. Let your successors know where the plan and documents are stored, and then actually show them the plan in its storage location.
2. Prepare a form that identifies your key family members or fiduciaries, and their contact information. Give copies to those who should have it.
3. Prepare a list of where all key documents are stored.Many times it is difficult to locate a bank deposit box or open a safe. Give a copy to key family members or fiduciaries.
4. Communication is critical to maintain privacy and independence while preparing your helpers to actually help. Have a plan,update your plan, and share it with key family members and fiduciaries.
5. Perhaps the best tool at your disposal is a "family meeting." A family meeting is usually hosted by your attorney, but could even be held at your home.Most family meetings are held around some family gathering time, or holiday, to facilitate full participation.
It is not important how you approach the subject.What matters most is that you share information with the people critical to maintaining your quality of life and peace of mind, now and in the future. Problems and misunderstandings can, and should be averted. Share only what you are comfortable with and sidestep disclosure of detailed financial or other information, which you are not yet willing to share. If you are not planning to share detailed information, do make someone aware who has it and how it may be accessed when necessary.The idea is to share enough information to protect privacy and maintain independence, while preparing for future needs.
Sometimes it helps to think of life as a game, or a team sport.Each of us starts life with the help of others, and we must continue to rely on them to keep the game going. The rules don't allow any one person to run every single play. The only path to success is to create a strategy for the game, teach the plays, equip and train your team,and reevaluate your game plan from time to time.Your team will be ready to grab the ball and run with it, to benefit you and those you love.
Privacy and independence are worth protecting.However, be sure to find a happy balance so you don't go overboard with protecting your privacy.You don't want to find yourself alone on the field, when you need help the most. That is a game where you will find yourself on the losing team.
You can reach Dennis and the other attorneys of Brislawn Lofton Gregorek, PLLC at 425-803-9500 or email at office@ blgwealthlaw.com for more information.
« Go back | View more articles in 'Finance'
|
